she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
whose parrot is this?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
