I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
