i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
