if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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