I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
