Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
