The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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