he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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