We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
