It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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