i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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