I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
