CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
