i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
