I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
