So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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