he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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