well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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