I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
