idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
