Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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