I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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