Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tonight lets celebrate not being married
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
