I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
