I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
