Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
