I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
