my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
