You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
