i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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