Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
