11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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