the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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