Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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