I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
