Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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