Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
