D3 body, D1 cock
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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