Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
