do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
