What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
