I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
