do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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