Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we're making bets on your personal life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
