i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
