Will you blow on my dice?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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