I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
