Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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