why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
