also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
