You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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