you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
