i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
