So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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