I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
