I just saw a hot homeless man
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
